Well, Fiddle Friends, it's high time I told ye good folks my backstory, as it were. Let's face it, ye ain't a good Fiddler unless you start tellin' a good, tall tale or two. So don't be surprised if ye hear a few whoppers, as we used t' call 'em back in the day, thrown into th' mix o' this, Old Man Fiddler's Story. (Ptui!) Here we go:
Many years ago, my name was Otto Erhard Funk. I was raised in the big city, where me mum an' pop hoped I could make a proper livin' fer meself, and just make music. And that's how I started learnin' t' play the fiddle, or, as them city slickers call it, the violin. Well, one thing led to another, and the violin, or fiddle, soon became my chosen instrument, with which I could have loads of fun! (Heh-heh!)
By me early young-manhood, I was livin' in New York City, but soon, I concluded that the skyscrapers of the day weren't enough for such as meself. I needed to get away.... and so, I made the move to journey t' Callyforny, where, Lord willin', I could live out me days in peace, and just keep right on a-fiddlin'. I was all set to load all my stuff onto the movin' van I'd hired out; alas, they drove off, with all my earthly possessions filled in that thar truck, except fer one: me trusty fiddle and its bow.
(All right, so that's two earthly possessions; consarn it, let's not git all so dang literal! [Ptui!])
So, bein' one what loves t' make lemonade from lemons, I decided to walk all the way to Callyforny. And needless to say, I had me fiddle to keep me company, so I just kept playin' it whilst I was travelin'. In the end, it took me 183 days, but I made it to San Francisco, June 16th, 1929! And what's more, I got all me stuff back, too --- and so, thus properly reunited with my earthly possessions, I began my journey into the far backwoods o' Northern Callyforny, where I built up me sturdy Cabin house from a few abandoned tree logs.
When I was done, I settled in to me brand-new home, and needless to say, I cellybrated by playin' a few merry fiddle tunes! (Did you ever doubt that? Well, did ye?) And afore long, all the forest critters came to the Cabin to see what all the fussin' was all about. All they saw was me: an old man who just loves playin' the fiddle!
And that's how I found out that the Eternals had blessed me with the ability to speak the language of beasts: I knew how to talk to practically every last critter and songbird in the forest. They've been kind and loyal friends ever since.
Then there was Ol' B'arbottom, the forest's giant grizzly bear, who usually had a knack fer feastin' on humanfolk --- especially humanfolk he didn't like! But once he laid his eyes upon me .... well, you might say, he became a changed bear. And these days, when he visits me in the Cabin, I'll often say, "B'arbottom, take me ridin' on yer back thar, lad!" And he'll know what to do!
(Betcha you've never seen an old man playin' a fiddle while he's sittin' on an ol' grizzly bear's back, huh? Well, if ye visit me in person one day, you might see just that! [Heh-heh!])
Now, lemme take a moment an' tell you about the mornin' our village was hit by probably the biggest, harshest rainstorm folks were ever bound to see! It was rainin' such buckets, I tell ya, some folks wuz grumpy to th' extent whereby they jest plain didn't wanna come outdoors! O' course, most of the area's local barnyard critters had their own ways o' dealin' with all that rain, so, o' course, there was plenty o' grumpy to go around there, as well.
But there was ONE place where nobody was grumpy, not in th' least! That, o' course, was me humble Cabin! (Ptui!) And o' course, there I was, sittin' right thar, on me favorite chair, sawin' blissfully away on me trusty fiddle, playin' a jolly little rainy-day fiddlin' tune, and pretty much havin' the time o' me life! Whang-a-doodle! (Once again, in case there be any first-time visitors to these humble pages, "Whang-a-doodle!" is what we fiddlers say out loud whenever something makes us absolutely, positively, very, very, very happy!)
Now, whilst I was fiddlin', a traveler come in and settled himself down on the chair next t' mine.
"Howdy-do!" I said, still sawin' away. "Welcome t' me Cabin. Hope ya like what yer listenin' to! Hee-hee-hee!"
This old fella was yer typical average fella, stocky, about 5'3 1/2", around 155-160 lbs., which didn't compare too much to me, with me long, flowin' white beard (13" long, as a matter of fact!).
Anyway, we stared at one another fer a while, as I kept right on fiddlin'.
Finally, the traveler spoke. "Well," he said, "you get yerself a purty good place fer fiddlin', ol'-timer. But notice that thar hole in yer roof. It's drippin' in here."
"Aw, tain't nothin'!" I muttered. "If yer gittin' wet, ya don't have t' sit near there. Just find a place that's dry enough, is all."
"Don't matter much to me none," replied the traveler. "I'm just stayin' fer a while. Still, shouldn't ye try and git yer roof fixed? I mean, you do have to live here."
"WHAT?!" I snorted. I got so surprised by that, I had t' put down me fiddle for a moment or so. "What d'ye mean, fix me roof? Consarn it, what kind of idea you thinkin' about? (Ptui!) I'm sittin' here, tryin' to have a good time playin' me fiddle, and here you go, thinkin' I oughta fix up my roof?! That's a really silly idea ya got thar, fella! Now you just button yer beak an' let me git back to enjoyin' me fiddlin'!" And without another word, I started playin' again. And for the rest of the afternoon, the traveler sat in silence as he listened to me play.
But inevitably, he had to go and speak up again!
"Hope I didn't insult you, sir," he said, "but I didn't mean to say that you should fix yer roof right now."
"Well, what exactly did you mean?" I asked.
"Well, I thought that maybe when the sun was shinin' and it weren't rainin' at all, you might wanna go up on yer roof and plug up that hole in thar."
Well, that got me dander up quite a lot! Puttin' me fiddle down again, I grumbled, thusly: "Now you're bein' REALLY silly! Why should I have to go up on my roof and plug up a hole on a sunny day? Why, when it ain't rainin', there ain't no water to come in. Not one little bitty drop!"
And with those words, I proceeded to chase that durn-fool traveler outta me Cabin, and right down to the edge of th' road. Needless to say, that dummy never did come back.
So, with peace properly restored to me humble Cabin house, I went back inside, seized me trusty fiddle, and stuck her back beneath me long white-bearded chin, tried out a few chords, and then started in to fiddlin' again. Me big blue eyes twinkled merrily, and a big, happy smile lit up me face as I played.
"Well, I might not know too much when it comes to home improvement," I said to myself, as I played me fiddle, "but there's one thing I do know, and that is that sometimes, some folks can be very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very silly! Oh, well....."
And, of course, all the critters and songbirds of the forest gathered around to listen to me fiddlin'. And when the littlest songbird fluttered high above my head and then made a perfect three-point landing right on the edge of the scroll of my fiddle, I knew I just had to smile!
"Why, ain't you sweet!" I said. "Well, just for that, my little feathered friend, I think I'm gonna play fer you a little bit o' 'Listen to the Mocking-bird'!" And y'know what? That's exactly what I did. (Hee-hee-hee!)
So, as you folks can see, there's a lot you can learn from Old Man Fiddler. The good Lord's blessed me with quite a lot o' good things. I share me music with the humanfolk when they need me to; Ol' B'arbottom protects me if I so need to be protected! And as fer bein' lonely, well, let's put it like this: Who's got time t' be lonely, especially when you got yer fiddle music, and all the critters and songbirds of the forest to keep you company? (And, o' course, a few o' the Human young'uns, too!) Yep, I got all o' those, and so much more!
So remember this, Fiddle Friends: you can talk about me music, and me ability to speak in the language of the critters --- consarn it, you folks can say whatever you durn well want about Old Man Fiddler. But you can bet yer boots I won't be lissenin'. Y'know why? I'll tell you why! Because I'll be too durn busy doin' me two most favorite things in the whole wide world: playin' me fiddle --- and just bein' happy!